Today is the 21st October 2010 . Yet again, blogging from Brunei, my second last day from leaving for Singapore . This time, with much disappointment .

I admit that it was my selfish act to get my husband to extend another year, for the greed of money to pay off his debts that bother me to a discomfort heart, not that it's alot, but a reasonable amount . I've never actually thought of the consequences to make him stay, even if it means no clubbing for a year and staying in a shabby place at a third world country .

The application wasn't exactly succussful, in fact, it was rejected at first, but with much help of appeals from high ranking bosses, the application rolled out a verbal approval for upcoming year at Brunei .

My first reaction was unclear, should i jump for joy, or should i get upset because i'm about to lose a year of clubbings, 21st birthday parties, and living in a horrible country . I don't know .

I only knew when my husband knocked off from work, walking through the door in his smart green attire . He was clearly upset . And my heart sank a little .

He was ready to receive a rejection more than an approval, he was ready to go home, to go home and attend close friends' weddings, and then this happened . I felt that i made the wrong move asking him to make the application in the first place . He was tired of this place; uneven roads, empty malls, disgusting food, slow service everywhere .

It was bad enough, when another piece of news came from a friend, i almost wish i could turn back time and amend everything . When i saw him sitting at the edge of the bed, hands clasped together in front of his face, supporting his chin, i was pretty lost . I could feel sadness, i wasn't pondering as to whether i should be happy or sad now, because it somehow linked me to him . I don't see any happiness anymore, it was purely, a full percentage of sadness in me .

This isn't supposed to be, my principle of life is not to regret, and i'm pretty much breaking it right now . I saw his face and i knew i regret making this choice .

'Money is the root of all evil', now you caught me .

And now, i'll have to leave him here, in this place, when i'll be on my flight back to Singapore tomorrow evening . If it's not for my cousin's wedding, i would have my flight postponed, because i wanna be by his side . I felt wrong having to leave .

I hope for a miracle to happen, to have it taken off, and everything back to step one, where i'll be expecting his return on December . This isn't about me anymore... it's about him .

Tell me... tell me... ... tell me there's a miracle .